Toldja

Last Sunday:

Shortly thereafter, Nick Fury showed up with the Ultimates (who keep popping up in other's stories while time stands still in their own world) and cleaned up everything, 'cause that's how it rolls in the Ultimate Universe.

And then, this afternoon:


See?

Reading Week Hijinks

Seeing how I am in my Reading Week and trying to spend as much time with my girlfriend as possible AND I don't have regular access to a scanner, updates may be sparse this week. But fear not, loyal readers (Yes, all zero of you!), for I have truly found something great amidst my three-week pull list that I picked up yesterday.

Behold, the truly most devastating head of hair this side of the four-colored world: Starfire!!



Now I'm no expert in all these hair-themed fields, but I'm pretty sure that, unless Starfire's been infected with Terrigen Mist, there's no way hair can defy gravity THAT way!



But wait, that's not all!



Here is significant evidence that Starfire might actually be an Alien Queen. You can't have hair shaped like that (see right) unless you're hiding a very unusual cranium.




That's it for tonight, I might actually try to read AND scan Spider-Man : Quality of Life #1 so that you can all enjoy its utter suckiness. Plus, time-traveling messages!

Y - - The Last Man Live Action Trailer

Just in time for Valentine's Day, here are... The Amazons!

How My Brain Works

Here is proof that my brain is poisoned by comic books.

Tonight, while walking back home, one girl and two guys got out of the bus before me. The girl was fairly hot and alone, and the two guys looked more or less like crooks. Potential crooks, anyway.

I wasn't thinking about how I miss my girlfriend while walking, or what I was going to do when I got home. No. I was thinking about how the fight would play out if the guys attacked the girl.

Of the two guys, one was wearing tight jeans and a tight leather jacket. He couldn't conceal a firearm, I thought. The other one was pretty big and had a baggy vest and baggy pants. So he would be the one I would have to neutralize first, since he could hide a gun.

Let's say either one of them attacks the girl. So I run at full speed, jump and hit the big guy in the back of the head with my forearm, Tony Jaa-style. I kick him in the body once he's down and immediately focus on the smaller guy. I yell "GO!! GO!!!" to the girl, so she can start running.

No, that doesn't work. If she runs, I can't get my reward.

I immediately get to work on the second guy, sweeping the leg and kicking him in the groin afterwards. He falls down and I smash his head on the sidewalk. But what if the other one gets up? I kick him in the nuts and run with the girl. We get to her home and do it hard, and I leave her panting on the floor to go finish my paper.

I really should stop reading comics.

Peek-a-Pooh Mania!!

In my part of the world, there is a new fad in town, especially for girls. This fad has taken the world by storm, making girls spend two bucks a piece for this:

Peek-a-Poohs

With this in mind, I have wondered time and time again at how I could make this my own. After all, the concept is great: take a 100-year old childern's animation icon and dress him up as animals, for all girls around the world to attach to their cell-phones, handbags, backpacks, nipple rings, etc.

But how could I? Well, today, I was struck by an absolute EUREKA moment. Thank-you notes go to Chris Sims and his crossword.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you:

Peek-A-Pooh : MODOK Edition

'Nuff said.

PPV Sunday: Spider-Man vs. Ultimate Spider-Man

So here we are. This is my second post and here I am, already trying to induce a new tradition.

Here's the deal: I liked Wizard only for their old match-up style double-page spreads. And now they don't do it anymore, they're wayyyy too busy talking about Micheal Turner(who is constantly a Top 10 Artist even though he only draws covers), Alex Ross and Bendis.

So I'm going to re-enact this grand tradition of the past and put my writing talents to the test. Behold: the much awaited 616 vs. Ultimate Universe crossover! (because no one cares about the Supreme Power Universe crossing over...)

Today's Match-Up!


VERSUS

While exiting the evil N-Zone prsion of Tony Stark, Spider-Man, whose girlfriend had assured that wearing black would make him invisible to other people (note: not true), accidentally hit the location dial of the warp gate with his elbow. Not noticing this horrible twist-of-fate, Spidey swung through the warp at full-speed, expecting to be with Mary Jane in a few minutes.

Exiting the warp, he felt different. This wasn't the same city. At the same time he thought this, he heard: "Stay there, clone!!". It was a copy of himself, although this Spider-Man seemed smaller and.. whinier. The younger Spidey swung both legs at a time in The Other's (pun intended) face. Black Spidey fell down and both engaged in a savage fight.

After a few minutes of webbing, kicking and joking, 616 Spidey had Ultimate Spider-Man knocked down and prepared to knock him out for good, but Ultimate Spidey blocked the punch, applying his forearm directly on 616's wrist.

"Noooo!!!!" said Black Spider-Man. The spike in his forearm came out and pierced a hole through Ultimate Spider-Man's skull.

Shortly thereafter, Nick Fury showed up with the Ultimates (who keep popping up in other's stories while time stands still in their own world) and cleaned up everything, 'cause that's how it rolls in the Ultimate Universe.

What have you learned from this story, kids? That's right: Spider-Man with spikes popping out of his forearms is overkill.

And if you're angry with me for killing a Spider-Man, well, just assume he was a clone. Or a doppelganger. Or Geldoff.

World Wars 3, 4 and 5... coming up this year from DC!

This is bad. I just opened up my blog, and already I'm ranting. I heard that this was what blogging was about. Let's do this then. Hopefully, this'll be one of the few times this happens.

Anyways, I opened up my good ol' Internet a few weeks ago, and this baby attacked me.

Okay, so this image accomplishes exactly what the annoucnement of World War 3 set out to do. Which is making me hate Dan Didio. Which in turn makes me hate pretty much everything he touches.

Knight Batman. Kingdom Fucking Come Robin. Superman crying, as always (or looking at Wonder Woman's cleavage from a very close perspective and wishing Lois had such incredible boobs). Corpses everywhere. The Statue of Liberty, broken with its head buried in the ground.

You know what that means, right? Right?

The DC universe is transforming into the Planet of the Apes. And Detective Chimp will be Doc Zayus. Woo-hoo!

God, so much hate already.

The thing is, I like monthlies. I like reading good arcs of Batman, Teen Titans and Robin. What I hate, is that I always have to buy three thousand issues of a big crossover to understand the next big shake-up that is going to happen in Batman. And this shake-up will inevitably come with a crap story, rotating teams and non-cohesiveness aplenty.

What is wrong with the super-hero genre, you ask me? Crossovers. Events.

I don't mind the occasional Crisis or Civil War once in a while, but when it comes to the point that, while Grant Morrison is being a genius on Batman, all of a sudden, Batman has a sword, and thinks he's Sinbad, something is obviously wrong with DC. So now you have to either spend a whole night on Wikipedia or buy a crossover and the hundred tie-ins (none of which is very tempting, mind you).

Okay, I'm mean with DC, but that's just because there still hasn't been a crossover announced from Marvel this year. The only thing hapenning is that, since there is a movie coming out in the real world about Spider-Man in a black costume, it's just a coincidence that the comic version of the character has this sudden urge to wear black once again. Apparently, wearing black makes everyone forget who Spider-Man is. That or Wanda Maximoff.

So there you have it. I guess I had to get those things off my shoulders before trying to translate the happy-go-lucky idiot I am in real life to the blogosphere.

See y'all on the flipside. Hopefully, there, Batman won't have a sword.