Sapristi!

I finally struck comedic gold. As all zero of my readers can tell you, I've never been more than a mildly funny guy writing sparsely about comics. Until now.

I have found a nifty tool called Lost in Translation. Its whole point is translating and back-translating a line TEN TIMES through Babel Fish. The result is incomprehensible. But goddamn funny (pun intended, you'll see). Especially when applied to something that ALREADY is pretty f'in funny. Yes, I'm talking about All-Star Goddamn Batman.

So I took these two panels, which set up the best line of the series so far (followed closely by "Jerk off, sperm bank -- which translates as "The function, battery excludes the clear one from the sperm batteries." SPERM BATTERIES!) and grinded them through the translator. So, if you wish, I invite you to follow me into the wild world of translation.



This tool, folks, takes Sin City with a cape-like dialogue and twists it to Shakespearean grandeurs. "Exactly if this idiot does know, can fly". This is only a set-up for what comes next, thought, as nothing can withstand the wrath of Babel Fish. Not even the word "Batmobile", which, I think is pretty much untranslatable. With a simple click of the mouse, the Batmobile becomes the "Battery-he-part of furniture". Jack Kirby on crack couldn't come up with a better name for Batman's vehicle.


Now this almost warrants a redesign of Church's wallpaper. Batman commands you people to stop this "examination of him" that evaluates the "sapristi extreme of the his" and to stop calling his "chied-part of furniture (read: batmobile)" an automatic rifle. Okay, man. If you say so. It must be the sex with Black Canary that wrecked his brains. But wait. It comes. The one line that can shatter the Internet in half. For real. "I am BATMAN sapristi and I can my auto sapristi with that designate, which HELL I REQUIRE!".

Someone please call Frank Miller and show that to him. Because I would give anything... ANYTHING to see the next issue of ASGDB written in Babelized dialogue. And if they don't want to, then at least replace all the goddamns by sapristis. Because Batman is never badass enough if he doesn't speak like Batroc ze lepair.

Post-Scriptum: Did you notice that most of the time, the lines end up talking about batteries or furniture? Weird.